It's called doing an Alan...

Notice to people who visit our home:
1. The dog lives here. You don't.
2. If you don't want dog hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
3. Yes, he has some disgusting habits. So do we and so do you. What's your point?
4. OF COURSE he smells like a dog.
5. It's his nature to try to sniff your crotch. Please feel free to sniff
his.
6. We like him a lot better than we like some people.
7. To you he's a dog. To us he's an adopted son who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly. We have no problem with any of these things.
8. Dogs are better than kids. They eat less, don't ask for money all the time, are easier to train, usually come when called, never drive your car, don't hang out with drug-using friends, don't smoke or drink, don't worry about whether they have the latest fashions, don't wear your clothes, don't need a 3rd mortgage for college, and if they get pregnant you can sell the pups.
9. The same applies for the cats, except they will ignore you ...until you're asleep.