Home! Definitely didn't want to come home. Excellent holiday, the Hilton Spa was stunning (due to Darrens Diamond Member status they upgraded us to a deluxe bungalow and gave us breakfast free (good job too, cos every day it was 34 Euros EACH!)). We had a car all week so lazed around the hotel pools after breakfast and then explored coves, beaches, mountains and Palma in the afternoons and evenings. Photo's below (every time you refresh this page you'll get a new set of pics).

www.flickr.com

Off to Majorca this afternoon for a week. Staying at the Hilton Spa away from the beaches and we have a car so we'll be out and about testing paellas all week. First time flying from Blackpool airport too (5 minutes in the car from home!). My Mum and Dad are arriving at lunch time to have a week at our house and look after Edward. I have to iron some summery shirts now, pack them in a bag, go for a quick sun-bed session, get a haircut, get my parents a steak slice each for lunch, get some Euro's and a million other things. Last minute Larry, that's me.

After a week of long, hot sunny days it's finally raining. The garden is looking a bit parched but hopefully by tomorrow will be back to its lush green self. Working lates driving buses has been great for the last week as I get to spend most of the day down at the beach with Edward. The bike you see above is my single-speed Trek with a dog seat on the back (actually, it's a shopping basket which I adapted and cut using my Dremel). We only live 10 minutes walk from the beach but modern laziness makes me think "why walk for ten minutes on hot pavements in traffic fumes when I can ride for less than 5 minutes and give Edward a longer time at the beach chasing rabbits around the dunes?", it's a no-brainer. We must look like a right pair of weirdo's on that bike as it always makes pedestrians and car drivers smile/laugh when they see us out riding. Don't care.

Sitting on the dunes this morning, looking out to sea, listening to Lily Allen, sometimes I just think, everything's going to be alright. Isn't it?

Red hot day in the Lake District yesterday. We headed for Grange Over Sands where I used to holiday in the family touring caravan when I was wee. It used to have a beach when I visited but now, due to the re-routing of a major river (and other major geographical stuff I don't understand) it only has a muddy meadow. The meadow gets submerged a few times every year during a full moon and is controlled and patrolled by sheep what do swim. The town is still lovely and sleepy with not much to do except walk along the thin prom and admire the Lakeland architecture. We drove to Cartmel on the way home to see the home of the legendary 'sticky toffee pudding' but the village was crawling with tourists and there was nowhere to park so we kept going.

Eeeeeeeee it's bloody hot innit! We're not used to the heat up here but we're not complaining. Yesterday Rachael and Pete and baby Tilly popped over to have lunch, watch the FA Cup (Everton lost, Darren sulked), lie around in the garden, eat cheesecake and gossip. After they left we went to the Grand Theatre in Blackpool to see Victoria Woods 'Dinner Ladies'. Was ok but a bit like a half hour TV episode stretched to two hours (in a very hot theatre). A couple of the original TV actors were in it, her and him:

and the other actors all had the mannerisms and speech of the TV characters off to a tee. The middle aged and gentle audience loved it and clapped for ages at the end. Which is the whole point I suppose, they went to the theatre for a laugh and to be entertained and thats what they got.
I was very annoyed when Susan Boyle didn't win 'Britain's Got talent' last night. First Everton, then Susan Boyle, what a downer.
We're off to Grange Over Sands today as the weather is still lovey and Edwardian seaside resorts are a weakness of mine (it's the home of Cumberland sausage you know so let's hope they do a vegetarian version).

And then I finished 'Dancer From The Dance' and I was distraught that it was finished and that those men were doomed from the start of the first beat of make me believe in you. Ultimately I'm happy that I was never one of the beautiful people and that I didn't live in NYC in 1971 because I would have fallen in LOVE ten times every day and twenty times every night. Much better to read all about it thirty years later from the comfort and safety of ugly, old, recession-hit, provincial blighty.



We went to Southport for the day yesterday and got caught up in the Protestant marching band parade. Drums and fifes and teenagers dressed as King Billy marched through the gardens, past the lake, along the pier and then into the pubs, where they stayed until they were sick on the pavement outside and then fought among themselves (we were long gone before then). Excellent lunch in the Westminster Tea Rooms, a restaurant which faithfully recreates the attitude and ambience of the 1930's (but not, unfortunately, the prices). Shopped in the last department store in town, Broadbent and Boothroyds, and then took a stroll along the newly refurbished pier where we hung over the railings watching the skateboarders and bmx'ers doing their stuff on the ramps and half-pipes below. Southport is nice, but not as nice as it used to be. The closing of the amusement park 2 years ago with its four classic rollercoasters has had an impact on the town which I don't think the council expected. On the site of the old amusement park is now a collection of funfair rides from a travelling fair which just makes the place look tacky to me. The gardens and the ornamental lakes and putting greens just don't seem to be as manicured as they once were when the town was proud of its attractions. Southport was once seen as 'upmarket' compared to Blackpool but that reputation has now been laid to rest and this makes me sad.

There's a great line in a song on the new Jarvis Cocker album:

Life is like a carrier bag, put too much in it and the handles will snap

Isn't that great? He's still got it. After one month and multiple full play-throughs I can now confirm that the new Depeche Mode album is a work of sublime beauty without a duff track on it. It's early days yet but I have a good feeling the new Manic Street Preachers album will become one of their best (though I do think the Holy Bible comparisons are a bit off the mark). It's been raining every day here for weeks now and I'm becoming a bit ticked off about it. Usually the sky darkens about an hour before I go to work at about 3 or 4pm and then the rain starts as I'm getting my motorbike out. Still, that's what you get when you move to the seaside. A doctor with a house on the seafront in St Anne's has bulldozed the sand dunes in front of his house to get a view of the beach and the sea. The conservationists are furious but apparently the houses on the front actually own the dunes in front of the properties so he's not done anything wrong (ancient bylaws are great aren't they). Look, it was even on the news! We're of to Majorca next month and I can't wait. Darren is a Balearic virgin but I've been to 'the big island' several times and I can't wait to show him round. We're staying inland at the new Hilton Spa and we've hired a car so we can swim in little coves and visit deserted beaches and then have dinner in mountain top villages.
Right, there's the rain hitting the window which means it's time to prepare my sandwiches, get my uniform on and go to work.

Get your hankies out for this one. Just lovely!

You don't get to see his cock but you see his arse.

Nasty, windy, chilly Fylde weather yesterday so, inbetween downpours of squally rain, I walked Edward to the local Blockbuster and rented some DVD's. We got back home at 1pm and I swiftly cooked up some lunch (2 nut cutlets with potato and spinach mash) and took it into the TV room where we both remained (with the fire on) until nearly midnight (though, to be fair, Edward did make the odd trip into the garden via his kitchen door dog-flap). Here's a list of the stuff we watched:
- 2 episodes of The Caravan Show on the Discovery Channel (I'm conducting a long term research project)
- the last episode of The Inbetweeners (smartest comedy of the year with best use of swearing)
- the latest episode of Brothers & Sisters (still engaging, twee and feelgood)
- Flashbacks Of A Fool on DVD (Daniel Craig naked, Baillie Walsh directing, whats not to love)
- The Mist on DVD (clever adaption of Stehen King novella with a brilliant ending)
- The Brave One (shades of Taxi Driver in this snappy revenge thriller and Jodi Foster starred in both).
I was in bed at midnight reading my new book (Bilal's Bread by Sulaymen X).

UPDATE:
It has just hit me that the above post is in the style of those classic blog posts from the 'golden' era (2002-2005) where those of us with little imagination (and poorly developed opinions) just listed the stuff we bought, watched, and ate because those were the type of posts we enjoyed reading in other blogs. Yay! It's a revival!

I had the urge to wallpaper yesterday. It was my day off and Darren is travelling with work for a few days so I thought what the hell. I trundled off to the local diy superstore on my motorbike and spent a very pleasant hour or two debating (in my head, I was alone) the merits of various designs. I eventually settled on a black and silver paper by Barbara Hulanicki of Biba fame. I finished pasting it up at midnight and then slept under the trees.

I call this the heart shaped dune. Which, as you can see, is exactly what it is. I took this pic at 8am on the day I got married while walking Edward on St Annes beach.

Today I hired an industrial power washer. I needed something super-powerful to wash our drive and back yard area. After a winter by the sea our concrete areas are coated with a layer of lichen, salt and moss which is impossible to remove except with a wire brush (fuck that) or an industrial power washer. Best. Power. Tool. Ever.

What better way to spend the day after getting married than visiting a steam railway museum. It was a lovely sunny Sunday so we headed over to the Ribble Steam Railway in Preston. We arrived in time for the first train ride of the day in original 1940's carriages (naturally we sat in 1st class). We were issued with thick cardboard tickets and a man came into our carriage and clipped them with his thingy. Speaking of 'clipped', we couldn't resist talking in uppper class clipped accents during our ride due to the ambience the 1st class carriage was oozing ("have you caught the new Noel Coward play yet at the Rialto? It's simply too funny!"). If we'd had an old lady wearing a fox fur, a vicar reading his paper and a schoolboy off to boarding school it would have been perfect.

Mr & Mr
"I'm gonna take you up the aisle!" oooooo, er missus. Me and him are off to jump the broom in 2 hours (wasn't Roots just brilliant?) .

The first (and probably the only due to how 'low key' we've made this event) wedding present arrived today from Blue Witch. A lovely box filled with civil partnership honey and candles and a lucky bee brooch. The candle will be lit on Friday night to bring to bear goodness spells upon the following day what is the day that the two males will be joined together for the benefit of switching each others life support machines off or on. I'm off to put some home-made bread into the toaster and test this bee-autiful honey.

It's not often that Darren is up in the morning before me but a few mornings ago he was. He took this pic while I was still dozing (please be under no illusion that he was trying to capture my sleeping beauty, he was merely testing his new camera phone). When we go to sleep at night Edward is on his bed at the foot of ours but by morning he has somehow wormed his way onto our bed and into the middle.

A*s H*le
Remember a a few weeks ago when I posted a pic I took of the petrol price sign at Tesco in Blackpool? Well, last night I was sitting on my bus at 10pm outside that same garage when I noticed that the phantom sign operator had been up to his old tricks again (apologies for picture quality, taken on camera phone):

Here's the previous pic in case you missed it:

So, sexy dentist informs me that what I thought was a front tooth crown is actually just a front tooth which has had root canal work done on it years ago (explains why it didn't hurt when it broke off). He numbed me up, extracted the remaining bits of teeth under the gum-line, drilled a post into my jaw, hollowed out the fallen tooth and then cemented it onto the post. I've got to return to be fitted with a crown in a few weeks, along with a cheque for £400! At least I won't be gap-toothed on the wedding pictures next week.
Off to cut the grass now. I'll post a pic when I've finished cos I love our lawn.

As promised:

Parents gone back to Newcastle. I'm back on night shift. Flights to Tokyo have been booked for December (I had enough 'points' for a free premium economy seat with Virgin). Front tooth/crown fell out last night while eating granola and hopefully being re-cemented back in place by sexy dentist (see here) at noon today. Off to Skelmersdale with Darren after dentists to visit his family. Now on series 4 of Oz and still loving it (box set, series 1-6, christmas present from Darren). Lost 2 stone since going vegan in January (bought this on holiday in Florida in December and took it to heart). Off to the beach now with Edward cos the sun just popped out.

We're English and it's a bank holiday so we went to a garden centre. Not just any garden centre though, we went to Barton Grange (£15m refurb and opened by Princess Anne last year, though they've been trading since 1945). BG is a bit of an institution in this area and the new place is eeeeenormous. It even has its own marina attached for over 20 narrow boats and a boutique hotel. There's a cafe, a restaurant, mega-posh loos (I pee'd into a large ceramic tulip bulb) and acres and acres of overpriced plants on sale. There's a huge dome over the whole place and at the first spot of rain the roof mechanically moves into place to keep you outdoors shopping longer but apart from a cake at lunch time I bought nowt.
It's all a far cry from the local 'garden centre' we used to shop at in East London just two years ago:

Was just re-reading some old posts on this blog and saw that in October 2006 I predicted that future careers might include plumbing, tiling, dog walking and bus driving. Most unlike me to actually achieve something that I dreamed up while sitting on my fat arse in an office in central London.
Nowadays I sit on my fat arse on a bus and ferry the elderly and unemployed between their homes and the hospital/poundland/dole office/college/pub.

Went to Carnforth today with Darren and my parents. We went specifically to visit the train station and we were not disappointed. Carnforth station is where Brief Encounter was filmed and the tea rooms have been restored to their pre-war majesty (though thankfully the food has been updated and I had celeriac and ginger soup). A museum is attached which charts the history of the famous station and its restoration. A good gift shop too where I spent £12 on transport related tat. On the way home we popped into Morecombe to visit the renovated Midland Hotel. STUNNING! SUPERB! BEAUTIFUL! What an art-deco mastrepiece, loved it.

So, we're getting married in two weeks time. Darren hates calling it a marriage, says it's not 'legally' a marriage so shouldn't be described so. 'Civil partnership ceremony' just sounds so wanky though. We've agreed to differ on the matter and I shall continue to refer to my marriage. Anyway, they don't have a 'civil partnershipped' option on facebook so I shall be listed as married.
We've chosen the minimum/mini/minimalist ceremony at Preston town hall. Just us two and two straight friends at 10.30 and then a nice Lunch at The Sparling. Naturally, we're both more excited about the food that day. Rings: titanium, suits: Mark Powell, music: none, carriages: our car (might give it a hoover).

mecca

mecca, originally uploaded by London Calling?.

The heartbreaking sight of Blackpool Mecca being torn down. After Wigan Casino this was the THE home of northern soul in the North West. Marc Almond met Dave Ball at an all-nighter here. Chris Lowe from PSB learned all his moves here. Flares and talcum powder will be found under all that rubble.

Gilbert the Gay Poodle

Gilbert the Gay Poodle, originally uploaded by timmmeeey.

Tesco really do sell shit!

tesco sign, originally uploaded by London Calling?.