When the tide is out and the sand is hard I ride my bike from sea wall to breaking waves. Edward runs in front of me barking and laughing and leaping over scurrying sea crabs. We are deafened by the heavy duty winds from the Irish Sea as we zig-zag through the pier supports. Edward unearths pebbles and shells and re-buries them in wet shallow pools then digs them up again and runs off towards the waves where he drops them in the surf. He jealously chases away dogs with testicles and flirts like a eunuch with the bitches. We work up an appetite then head home slowly for hot sweet tea and a sticky muesli bar (muesli bar imported into Lancashire from that London as such items are ‘not to be trusted’).

And so it came to pass that I was the most immature member of the audience at the 13 going on 30 screening last Thursday evening in Blackpool. I howled with laughter and gobbled popcorn noisily. Cheeky young chavscum girls tut-tutted at me then hissed sshhh! All gayers will like this film.
Saw a special screening of Collateral on Sunday and thought it very good. Tom Cruise is the new Richard Gere (the old Richard Gere being currently indisposed on a spaceship hovering over Montana looking for one of Ron Hubbards lost socks).
I bought a Morrissey ticket on Ebay for his show this Saturday in the Empress Ballroom in Blackpool. Darren is working so can’t make it. The fuckers at Railtrack are meddling with the track between Preston and Euston until next week forcing me to go from St Pancras via Manchester which takes an hour longer. Might take Friday off work and go early. Might not. I wonder if he will have a swift pale ale in the Flying Handbag after his performance? (I think he will as they now sell Pot Noodle and he's bound to be hungry)