Pussy cat pussy cat where have you been…
…I've been to London to see...
...how the money sucking leeches spend my taxes.
On Saturday we donned our best Hyacinth Bucket outfits and joined the Daily Mail readers of middle England and went to Buckingham Palace to tour the State Rooms and look at her art collection. Pretty impressive in a sumptious and luxurious kinda way. The digital audio guide was excellent and the crowds are kept to a minimum so the whole experience is self-driven and as unhurried as you like. From the front the house looks very boxy and solid but once you enter you realise that it is constructed of four wings around a central courtyard (with lovely red gravel). The decoration, furniture, carpets etc are extraordinary and lavish but don’t look very comfortable. I bet she has a worn-in sofa like this in her private flat (not included on the tour). It was bizarre to be in all those rooms that have been the backdrop for famous photographs over the last 100 years. I’d always wondered what the gardens were like at Buck House and now I know because the exit (after ye gifte shoppe, naturally) is a twenty minute walk past the lake and gigantic weeping willows and dumps you back in noisy and smoggy Grosvenor Place. A surprisingly enjoyable experience, actually.

I knew we’d be mighty thirsty after that tour so I’d booked us in for afternoon tea here. We had champagne, posh sarnies, scones with cream, wee cakes and all washed down with buckets of proper tea. It was pissing down outside so were grateful to be in the very comfortable Windsor Lounge (couldn’t escape the ‘royal’ connections that afternoon) with only a handful of other tea-lovers. Very nice.

We bought some hand-cooked M&S crisps on the way home and watched Casino (uber-violent masterpiece) and Match Of The Day with a supper of crisp sandwiches. I still think Sharon Stone (this site is why I love the internet!) was robbed of the Oscar in 95 as she easily outshines DeNiro and Pesci. Is this your pen?