*hobbles home on crutches with many broken toes and ribs*

The ballroom was stunning. But had poor acoustics. And twelve awesome chandeliers. I made the mistake of squeezing my way to the front. The lights went down and then the recording of this came on:

adolf hitler. the dentist. terry & june. fucking bastard thatcher. scouse impersonator. silly pathetic girlies. silly pathetic woman. macho dickhead. bonnie langford. neighbours. lost keys. phoney friend. ungrateful accusing mate. the royal family. stock aitken & waterman. smiling judas. heartbreaking lying friend. myra hindley. acid rain. stinking rich female in furs. disloyal lover. wife & child beater. drunken abuser. racist. bully. the sun newspaper. aids inventor. leon brittan. all nonsense. massive massive oilslick. jimmy tarbuck. loneliness. cancer. hunger. greed. gut wrenching disappointment. evil gossiping fashion bastard. tasteless a&r wanker. hard cold fish. overdraft like a mountain. the jimmy swaggart show. the tory invention of the non-working class. poll tax. commie bashers. mister jesse helms. hillsborough. weird british judges. apartheid. john lennon's murder. anyone's murder. the breakdown of the nhs. the death of the rain forest. heysel stadium. rednecks. rape. homelessness. the all-american way. clause 28. tiananmen square. sexual harrassment. nelson mandela's imprisonment. nancy's term. ronnie's term. miscarriage. where were you?

And then all hell broke loose when he walked out. He took the mic and said "welcome to a big fat slice of saturday night!" I lasted for three songs then retired to the rear soaked with sweat and beer. 'How soon is now' was the opener (he didn't do this at Manchester on his birthday). The ballroom floor was sprung but at times I feared for our lives. The encore is still 'There is a light that never goes out'. He is still a complete showman and chatted after every song. He talked about 'Constipation Street' and how he's had two songs played on the Rovers jukebox lately. Apparently he left the venue wearing a flat cap. I wonder who's cleaning out his pigeons in LA while he's on tour.

Set list:
How soon is now?/First of the gang to die/Daddys Voice/How could anybody Know how I feel/Jack the Ripper/Munich air disaster 1958/Shakespeares Sister/I like you/ Everyday is like Sunday/Such a little thing/Let me kiss you/Rubber Ring/Now my heart is full/November/I know I couldnt last/Irish blood English heart/There is a light that never goes out.

Few more things: the place was packed with spunky straight lads with their tops off, the Dead 60's were supporting and were great (like Sandinista era Clash mixed with The Ruts when they discovered dub), I spotted the following 'celebs' - Jackie Clune, Ned Sherrin (honest!), The Zutons, Martin Platt from Corry and Mark Simpson (ggrrrrr!), the air conditioning units in the ballroom were made by Smiths (honest), it was a four shirt night for Morrissey as the Smiths air conditioning units were crap, when he flung the last one to the crowd he said "careful with that one, I bought it in Blackpool today, it's very shoddy". Cheeky bastard!