I can scuba-dive, water-ski, jet-ski, slide down vertical 180ft water slides, dive from spring-boards and anchored yachts, swim under waterfalls, hold my breath for the length of 25m pool, make huge arcing splashes with my dive-bombs, do 50 lengths in 30 minutes, retrieve a brick from the bottom of the pool in my pyjamas, blow air into a CPR dummy, boogie board for miles, withstand the temperatures of the North Sea, snorkel with sharks, inflate a lilo with my gob in 10 minutes, hang onto a speeding yellow banana and para-glide from a floating platform just off Acapulco bay. Mark Spitz in his speedo got me really flustered when I was 10.