Day 3 of the final two weeks of my doctorate in tiling. The pic above is an exercise in 10mm grout line tiling using no measuring devices (helps train the 'tilers eye' apparently). You have no idea of the nightmare that is 'nibbling' a tile around the curvy top of a fussy sink or toilet.

On the way home from Manchester to Lytham tonight from 'college' my mp3 player in my van was attempting to tune into my mood. Knife Cuts Water by A Certain Ratio got my feet tapping and then something big n bouncy from the Timbaland album had me winding the window down and tapping my arm on the van roof (van drivers eh) but then Horsin' Around by Prefab Sprout started and before I knew it I was engrossed. I know the song like the back of my hand but I've never placed its lyrics into a personal situation but this time the autumn sunlight and the lack of traffic on the M6 had me projecting the guilty story onto someone I treated very poorly before I met Darren. I thought I was falling in love with him and I hoped I was because I wanted to match the enormous feelings he had professed for me. But I wasn't and I tried and tried to make it happen but it wouldn't. But I was a shit and told him 'it' had happened and for 6 months he was happy but I felt like a fraud. When I bit the bullet and broke the news to him that no matter how hard I tried I didn't have any deep feelings for him he was devastated. I was relieved that I'd told him but he was distraught and the sad feelings I should have been having were replaced by my selfish relief that the whole episode was over. He won't be reading this but in the one-in-a-million chance that he is I'd just like to dedicate Horsin' Around to Dr Bob and tell him I'm Sorry and I hope that these days he's as happy as I am.

Horsin` Around
It's me again your worthless friend or foe
I somehow let that lovely creature down
Horsin' around, horsin' around
Some things we check and double check and lose
I guess I let that little vow get lost
Forgettin' the cost, forgettin' the cost

Quick to forgive and so slow to blame, the very thought fills me with shame
But that didn't stop it happening

The thrill of it - can I call it that ? - was cheap
And feeling cheap's the only thing you keep
It's so unsightly to walk from her arms so lightly
Selling it all up the swanee

Horsin' around's a serious business, last thing you'd want somebody to witness
I was the fool who always presumed that I'd wear the shoes and you'd be the
doormat
You wonder why my hands are still shaking : In need of a cry the shoulders
are taken...

I deserve to be kicked so badly
You deserve more than I sold you for
Horsin' around, horsin' around

The moral is whatever else you learn
You shouldn't let that lovely creature down
Lord just blind me, don't let her innocent eyes remind me
Selling it all up the swanee
Horsin' around, horsin' around