Have you seen the state of the top 20 album charts? I fell asleep reading it. Who let all those old folk into the record stores? When did we start rewarding 'bland' with huge sales? I know it was Mothers Day yesterday but if my offspring came home with any of those albums for me I'd ask for the receipt and smack them round the side of the head. The charts have always had a few boring visitors but the whole of the top 20 this week is excruciatingly humdrum:

1. Journey South (X Factor losers)
2. Andy Abraham (bin man and X Factor loser)
3. Corinne Bailey Rae (this years Nelly Furtado)
4. Russell Watson (pop opera and supremely shit)
5. Andrea Bocelli (ditto)
6. Jack Johnson (bet he's really hairy)
7. David essex (he's still alive!)
8. Vitorio Grigola (who?)
9. Prince (lost the plot)
10. Beverly Knight (a backing singer who got lucky)
11. KT Tunstall (soap dodger)
12. Barry Manilow (believe it or not but he owns shares in Hooters)
13. Simon Webbe (his luck should run out any day now)
14. Johnny Mathis (grandmas fave homo)
15. David Gilmour (fat fuck)
16. James Blunt (skinny cnut)
17. Will Young (grandmas 2nd fave homo)
18. Kelly Clarkson (too many lungs, stop shouting!)
19. Carpenters (I quite like them)
20. Neil Sedaka (have you noticed his resemblance to Quagmire from Family Guy?)

Not far behind this sorry bunch are Coldplay, Katie Melua, Jose Gonzalez, Neil Diamond, Daniel O'Donnell, Il Divo, Leo Sayer and Rod Stewart (who, believe it or not, is married to Martha). So, just to prove my own superior taste, this weekend my listening pleasures have embraced the new Morrissey album, The Delays, The new Buzzcocks album, Sway, The Crammps, some ELO and Supertramp, a smidgeon of 70's one hit wonders and Bankrobber by The Clash. No Embrace though.