We sat at the counter.


We drove from Orlando to Fort Lauderdale (three hours!) to have lunch at The Floridian. Good job the food is good. This place is an institution on Las Olas Boulevard and attracts locals on both sides of the money fence. I've never had a better chili-burger and the gigantic piece of home-made apple pie a la mode took two of us to polish it off. Las Olas has been devastated by the hurricane season. Some shops are still boarded up and the lack of greenery in this once lush and overgrown avenue is pitiful. You know when you see someone without their spectacles and you can't quite figure out what looks different about them? Well, that was what it was like when we drove down Las Olas. It looked familiar but very different.

Mouths open and eyes blinking, cheesy tears held back as world-war-4 pops open above our heads, the ground shakes and glass windows rattle and the music carries us into a blue-balled orgasm as the final gigantic bursts blind us just as the curtain falls on a perfect day.

The final week of our holiday was spent at Wilderness Lodge hotel. This stunning building is based on the classic National Park lodges in the West of the USA. The lobby and atrium are enormous and surrounded by giant stone fireplaces, native American rugs and comfy, leather lounging chairs.


The hotel Christmas tree was erected during our stay and here it is in all its glory.


The swimming pool was open 24hrs and most mornings (being an early riser) I had it all to myself under purple break-of-dawn skies.


The hotel had its own water transport system as it is built on one of the huge lakes at Walt Disney World. Through the lobby, past the pool, turn left at the geyser, over the decking and through the forest and there you will find the dock. Beware of fireflies and dragonflies dive-bombing after dusk.

inflatables

Christmas bling! Those inflatables belong to the folk in that sexy, souped up camper van. We spent a sweaty afternoon cycling around Disney's Fort Wilderness Campground (the Rolls Royce, Porsche and Ferrari of campgrounds) and noticed that some campers decorated their patch to within an inch of its life. There were fairy lights, lanterns, huge decorated trees and lots and lots of huge inflatables. I liked it. None of your mulled wine and a tasteful wreath thingy hanging on your front door here. Christmas is a serious business and there's no need to be outdone by your neighbours just because you're on vacation.

cowboys 1

It was nice to see that Disney are fuelling the hype for the upcoming Brokeback Mountain movie. This beautiful piece of tiling in the bathroom at Fort Wilderness features a fine body of cowpokes in various suggestive poses (especially those two on the right!).


Another one here but not half as suggestive (though just as rustically beautiful). They shoot bisons don't they?

lego dragon

This enormous Lego dragon rises from the lake at Downtown Disney (the shopping, restaurantand nightclub theme park). We found ourselves there at the crack of dawn one morning and the mist and sunlight were beautiful.

I know you're all excited about next years big 'opening' at Disney's Animal Kingdom so I'll get it out of the way now. Expedition Everest is virtually complete and dominates its area of the park. See how great it looks viewed from this bridge over a river in 'Africa'. Here's a close up showing one of the highly banked speed drops out of the mountain. They've built an amazing Himalayan villlage at the base of the mountain featuring dodgy electrics, backpackers hostels and cafe's and colourful trucks. The 'expedition' begins with a trek through the village and then a short hike to base camp. From there you board a train (aka rollercoaster car) and journey to the summit of Everest from which you race back down chasing the legendary Yeti. Take a look at this artists impression of the finished attraction and then thank Disney for freeing us from the urge to fly to smelly Kathmandu to see the 'real thing' (and I bet there are no rollercoasters in Nepal).
If anyone is still reading (and still interested) then this page has some great pics of the village and the 'mountain'.

Taking the safari at Animal Kingdom late in the day meant that the beasts were just stirring following their afternoon naps.

J'ennuyeux? Moi? Oui!
We went to the cinema four times on holiday. Jarhead was good and looked real pretty. Best scene was when an oil soaked horse emerged from the billowing black smoke of a burning oil field and stood next to Jake. The horses eyes blinked and seemed to say "please kill me now". I nearly cried.
Flightplan was claustrophobic fun and was the second movie we'd seen that week starring Peter Sarsgaard (the one who got his cock out in Kinsey). Jodie Foster was in it too and she looks 'old' now (my favourite Disney live action film is Freaky Friday from 1976 starring Jodie).
I was disappointed with Capote but left the cinema looking forward to the other Capote film (just look at that heavy duty cast list) due soon as that film is based on the really good Plimpton biography. This Capote movie focussed on the Clutter killings and Capote writing 'In Cold Blood'. Philip Seymour Hoffman must surely receive an Oscar nod for this. Interesting to note that pretty boy Dan Futterman wrote the screenplay for this Capote.
Shopgirl was great. Steve Martin is unfunny again but this time it's ok. Claire Danes and Los Angeles are the other stars and all of them were fantastic. It's what they call a bittersweet romance movie and I loved it.

On the evenings when we weren't at the cinema we were eating large meals in themed restaurants (actually, come to think of it, even on the nights when we did go to the cinema we ate a large meal at a themed restaurant). We didn't go to any bars, clubs, disco's or homosexual hangouts. We bought a six pack of beer for our fridge but left three for the maid when we flew home. I had a rum cocktail one lunchtime in a Moroccan restaurant and Darren had a beer at a Mexican eatery a few days later. Hanging out at shopping malls, hotel lobby's and theme parks suits us fine because, apparently, Disney World is the Super-Bowl of people watching.

Well, that was the gayest two weeks ever. 85 degrees in the sunshine, top down (of course we rented an ultra-homo convertible), the new Madonna cd blasting on the car stereo and Walt Disney World totally and gobsmackingly over-decorated for Christmas.
Off up to Newcastle now to rescue our dog from his biscuit feeding grandparents.
I hear it's been quite chilly in the UK while we were gone! *drops baby oil into hot bath to prolong Florida tan*

Apologies for the sporadic posting (not that my 7 regular readers would have noticed). Bit of a hectic week. Mum doing much better and we're all relieved it wasn't ass cancer (I can't even spell what it was but it begins with a D). Darren has been in Newcastle working for a couple of days so I've been on my own with just the hoover and washing machine for company (no raised eyebrows please, I merely meant that I used those machines for their intended purpose).
We're off to the theatre tonight to see Michael Clark start his trilogy of works for the Barbican. A Michael Clark show is becoming a bit of an annual start-of-winter event for us as we've seen his troupe perform at Sadlers Wells for the last four years. Tonight he is reprising his 1994 piece 'O' (based on Stravinsky's Apollo) which will be performed with a full orchestra battling it out with Iggy Pop and Wire blaring from the on-stage sound system (pic above is from 'O' flyer). *limbers up*
We're off to Florida tomorrow morning for two weeks. We'll be here for the first week and here for the second (in case you have any packages or telegrams for me).
Be good.

Chain reaction.
I was Flickr-surfing this afternoon and came across a picture of a nice man at Walt Disney World (his Disney Flick pages here). Then I discovered he was the famous Disney intellectualist Cory Doctorow, modern sci-fi author and the writer of 'Down And Out In The Magic Kingdom'. Then I discovered that he is also the co-author of brilliant blog Boing Boing. Is there no end to his talents? Fans of the 'darker' side of Disney are few and far between but we do exist and it is great to see that Cory is exploiting his 'fascination' and entertaining us along the way.

From his bio:
There are certain recurring themes in my work; garbage and Disney appear in almost everything I write. I'm obsessed with both....The Disney organization fascinates me: internally, the theme-parks operate like socialist utopias, while externally, Disney is known as a rights-grabbing litigious bully.

Blackpool was the first town in the UK to utilise electric street lighting:


We went here:


This was our first ride:


We went on this:


And this:


This too:


Three times on this:


Riding in the dark:


Madonnas current inspiration - the largest disco-ball in the world:


Ham off the bone here:


Dog walking at dusk here: