Charlie Brooker is really funny. He’s the funniest thing in The Guardian (apart from maybe their ‘barometer of style’ thing on Saturdays which I automatically turn the other way up as I think they know feck all about owt). In today’s Guardian he’s having a pop at being told what to eat by dieticians and the Government:

“It’s my bloody throat and I’ll put as much salt down it as I like…..I’m not disputing whether these anti-pie, pro-skipping campaigns have the potential to save lives. I’m sure they do. But come on – are humans really worth saving in the first place? I mean really? Take a look around: there’s far too many of us, and we’re not much to write home about. We spend more time picking our noses and wondering what famous peoples’ kitchens look like than we spend doing anything worthwhile. The average citizen is a cretin in need of culling….We should slowly reduce our number by gently guzzling snacks till our hearts burst….What would you rather do – spend every waking moment joylessly assessing your diet, and live to be a wizened 500 year old mantis? Or die fat, young and merry with caramel smeared round your mouth?….It’s time they launched a campaign actively encouraging the population to gorge its way to an early grave.”

Hahahahaha, caramel smeared mouth! He's marvellously irreverent and flippant and mocks everything (including himself) in a wonderful English way. Give the man an OBE next year you miserable old woman. Here's an archive of his writing.