A pinhead looks back at 2004.
(read aloud to the tune of 'Angie' by the Stones)

Villains of the year - Snow Patrol and Embrace

Chav of the year - Mike Skinner (Dylan Jones in todays Independant - 'men who wear hooded tops are thugs and you should cross the road to avoid them....youth cults used to concern themselves with bold statements and grandstanding and were all about trying to draw attention to yourself....blokes in hooded tops are not pledging allegiance to a tribe, what they're doing is disguising themselves so we can't identify them when they steal our watches')

Album of the year - You Are The Quarry by Morrissey (Franz, Killers, Mylo not far behind)

Film of the year - Lost In Translation

Gigs of the year - Scissor Sisters at Disney World and The Go! Team at Camden Barfly

Read of the year - The Amateur Marriage by Anne Tyler

Smacked-across-the-face moment of 2004 - hitting 40 and hoping I have another 40 left

Meal of the year - mixed grill at the Ivy

Art show of the year - fuck off! do I look like a fucking homo? Hopper at the Tate Modern and Viv Westwood at the V&A

TV show of the year - UK - Coronation Street, USA - The Sopranos

Shop of the year - Marks and Spencer (runner up - Ebay)

Terrorist of the year - too many of the fuckers to choose from (shall I be predictable and say Bush/Blair?)

Rollercoaster of the year - slim pickings this year but I think I'll plump for Oblivion at Alton Towers as it still carries the power to remove my breath (as proved in October)

Comeback of the year - King Morrissey

Heroes of the year - the Little Britain boys (I'd love a long drive to Aberdeen in a luxury Lexus with David and Matt)

Bore of the year - Pete Doherty

End of the year moments of hope - what could I possibly hope for when the overwhelming surge of hope from the disaster of 2004 is still flooding over me?....just a bit of peace and quiet for everyone.