Back Fuck The Bid. All these ‘support the Olympic bid’ banners flapping in the London breeze are really getting to me. The one that annoys me the most is the one that reads ‘make Britain proud’. I want to commission my own banner and strap it to a lamp post on Embankment. My banner will read ‘make me proud to be British’. Instead of spending billions on making London magnificent for some athletes and tourists for the short period of one month why don’t we just spend the money on making the UK really nice for the folk who live here? Let’s build more hospitals, prisons and borstals. Put down some new train tracks and build lots of overhead monorail lines in our cities. Initiate ‘how to discipline your child’ courses in every town and city in the land. Reinstate the labour-exchange and adopt a sensible immigration policy (or even just an immigration policy). Allow anyone to marry whoever they like (including those poor souls who want to wed their donkeys, dogs and llamas). Stop paying single mums to stay at home. Build crèches and pre-schools where they are needed. Ensure our nurses get paid more than our MP’s. Stick our pensions offshore and get Butlins to build and run old peoples homes. Put wind farms on every hill and wave generators round our coastline, then scrap our defence budget as we won’t need to kill for oil. Become a packaging-free nation.... oh, I could go on but I don’t like to moan. I realise that these gripes are a bit childish and absurd and that those in favour of the ‘bid’ will say that most of the money will be privately raised but I don’t care. Why can’t we have the McDonalds borstal or the Virgin prison or the Vodafone hospital or the Bodyshop high school? Invest in Britain and we will invest in you.