Crikey what a good bank holiday weekend that was.
*paint in my hair, under my nails, on the dog
*bike rides up and down the prom
*early morning beach runs (Edward, not me)
*chips, chips, chips, pie, chips
*fertile dads pushing pushchairs sans t-shirts
*2 fat lads and a dog in a four foot double
*winter gardens exhibition (Mae West played there)
*Darren Schumacher getting us home in a record breaking 3.5 hrs

*slams front door then skips off carrying matching bucket spade and fishing net*

Evenings at home are mainly spent converting cd's into mp3's, dumping them onto my new toy and then putting the cd onto e-bay to fund the purchase of the new toy. It's mainly a liberating process; I create shelf space in our poky house, I get to re-evaluate albums I'd forgotten about and I hopefully get some cash. I thought that selling the cd's would be a painful and traumatic experience (what with me being an only child and therefore a bit 'psycho' with my posessions) but not so.
Todays forgotten gems are The Handsome Boy Modeling School and Maxinquaye by Tricky. Both deserve the title of gem. I remember Maxinquaye being quite hard work to enjoy when it came out but I was wrong. Time has been kind to it and todays two listens have been highly enjoyable. I walked Edward this morning while playing the Handsome Boy Modeling School album and by the time I got home I'd developed a pimp roll.

Who put the poo in Blackpool?
We drove West to East last night. Through the Peak District on dark winding roads towards the M1. The Wimpy at the motorway services was shut at 10pm so Darren told the spotty youth locking up to "...stick your scabby burgers up your arse". We bought kettle chips at the garage and drove on.

The previous evening, as we walked through Blackpool town ogling gangs of 'stag do' lads, Edward stopped and squatted directly outside the Winter Gardens Theatre and dropped a hot steaming turd. Darren was mortified and ran off, I merely looked the doorman in the eye and said "delivery for the Chuckle Brothers, no signature needed" and skipped off (I was actually embarrassed as we usually have pooper-scooper-bags on us but that evening we had none). He did the same thing the next day as we strolled down the prom looking for cheap cups of tea (8p!!!) but this time we were armed with polythene.

Playing on the sands with Darren and Edward this past weekend was just brilliant. Perfick weather and drunk lads skinny dipping, steak and kidney pudding and chips, dads digging holes in the sand, mums smoking tabs and making crisp sandwiches on blankets, tram rides and chapped lips and all in the shadow of this phallic gem (here's one of me and D in the ballroom).

The Face X4
I wonder if I'm too fat to buy The Face? And why doesn't The Face have a website? Fucking hell, what kind of cutting edge publication doesn't have a website?

Lovely lunch hour sitting in St James Park reading The Face. At the newsagents I selected The Face, a small bag of maltesers and a diet coke but I was only charged for the sweeties and pop. Hurrah! New layout and design this month which looks lovely. British summertime has corrected itself now and is running like clockwork. Proper weather and proper bo.

I walked edward in the park this morning while listening to Atrocity Exhibition by Joy Division. Cheery eh. Kings Of Leon kept me going at work and Rooty by Basement Jaxx was my lunchtime soundtrack. My in-the-ear buds are starting to irritate now.

Have to pick up a van we've hired this afternoon. Driving to Blackpool tonight with a 1970's dining table (smoked glass with s-shaped tubular steel chairs) which I bought years ago at an antique shop. It came with a certificate of authenticity from the Italian designer but I've lost it.

NB
The 'bo' in the 2nd paragraph above is a bo as in 'bo selecta' and not b.o. as in smelly body parts.

Lovely
We were based in Burnham Market for three days, staying here, which was lovely.
Our mini-tour of Norfolk seaside towns began at Wells-Next-The-Sea , which was lovely. Small with a cute harbour. Lots of shops selling buckets, spades, rubber dingy's and general beach ephemera. We sat on the harbour wall and ate chips while watching boy-racers whizz up and down the tiny main street in souped up council cars. A mist came in quickly at tea-time and caused a horrendous traffic jam of beach escapees.
Sheringham was lovely too. Awfully rammed with holiday makers on a hot August Monday. We walked along the prom to the part of the beach where Edward was allowed to run about on the sands. He loved chasing the seagulls and running through all the rock pools. We ate home made pasties from a very popular pie shop then left for Cromer.
Cromer was lovely. Bigger than Sheringham with a nice cliff top path overlooking the excellent beach. We bimbled through the town then had an ice cream near the boating lake before heading back to Burnham Market for a pre-dinner nap.
Great Yarmouth was a hefty drive from Burnham Market across winding, country b-roads but well worth it. I wore grey socks with my trainers in order to blend in with the council hordes. We toddled along the sea front admiring fit and tanned fellas with their tops off then had fish and chips from Harry Ramsdens while sitting on some grass opposite the public toilets (we know how to live, eh!). As the temperature hit 33 degrees we hit the Pleasure Beach where there were even more fit and tanned fellas brushing up against us as we fought our way through the crowds *uses hand to fan flushed face*. Despite the heat I decided to queue and then ride the Rollercoaster. It was built in 1929 in Paris and moved to Great Yarmouth in 1935. This coaster dates back to a time before under-track wheels were used and so has a brake-man who rides on the train attempting to stop it leaving the tracks over the hills. It's smooth and quite fast and very historical and lovely. After watching the council kids in their underwear enjoying the showers of water from the log flume we drove back to London in our oven-on-wheels content and relaxed after our few days away. Lovely.

I spent Thursday and Friday last week in Blackpool playing with our new house. Darren couldn't make it as he is a highly paid and very important cog in a big machine. The weather was perfect (but not for cleaning) and as the new place is 2 minutes from the beach Edward and I enjoyed lots of wet, sandy walks. The drive back to London on Friday evening was hell thanks to the heat and traffic jams. Like driving an oven with wheels.
On Sunday we went to Norfolk for a few days for Darrens birthday. We drove there in our oven on wheels. Burnham Market was very swish in a Hackett kinda way (someone here in the office has just called it 'Chelsea-by-the-sea'). The village was beautiful in a twee way, our room at the hotel was big and plush, and the restaurant welcomed Edward and served posh grub.
We visited Wells-Next-The-Sea, Sherringham, Cromer and Great Yarmouth. More about these, with pictures, tomorrow.

Blue skies as a background for wooden rollercoasters, homemade italian ice-cream from an 80 year old tea parlour, wide sands and three historical piers, the lake district 20 miles away and Manchester an hour away, the Vegas-lite illuminations and trams dressed as rockets, the Tower on the golden mile, the wicked winter winds and bracing prom walks, boarding houses, provincial poof pubs and 10p cups of tea. It's all so us.

We just bought a house in Blackpool. Lancashire not Devon. It's ours to play with as of today. 5 bedrooms and we've no kids! Hurrah! One bedroom for the train sets, one for a darkroom (for developing photographs you mucky buggers!), one for Darrens collection of Princess Diana plates and mugs (which can only grow bigger in a town like Blackpool), and one to dress up like a gym locker-room replete with metal lockers and a bench down the middle (bottle of poppers open for that smelly sock/jockstarp aroma).
Actually, we don't have any toy trains or a camera that takes film or even a miniscule amount of curiosity for Diana. But we do have a longing for a locker-room type of changing room so if anyone knows where we can buy some old-skool style gym lockers then do let us know.

We can't head off to Lancashire this weekend to collect the keys cos I'm taking Darren here for his birthday. I found a smashing hotel that takes dogs so Edward is coming too. I've packed a kilt as we're staying in room 1.

Mouthwatering site. The Potted Meat Musuem. We're having tinned meat tonight by the way. With tinned baked beans too. Tins are brilliant.

T3 - Rise Of The Machines was fun. Brainless fun (just like me). It was a 12A certificate but was very gory and had f words in it. A couple with a kid sitting in the same row as Darren and I left after half an hour. Maybe the goat was tired. Nick Stahl was in T3. He fucked Brad Renfro in Bully. Mmmmmmmmm Brad....

A post from below has disappeared and may that be the end of the matter please. I'm a lover not a fighter.

He is on his way over to show us his headsquare collection. He better bring Peek Freans.

3pm Saturday afternoon. Still got my terry towelling dressing gown on. Just ate beans on toast sitting in the garden. Transferred all four Missy Elliott albums to mp3 and stuffed them in my new toy. Gonna sell the cd's on e-bay to pay for my shocking crack habit. Tickets for Terminator 3 booked for tonight. Malteasers or popcorn? Both I think, and a big-fuck-off drink too, just so I will need at least 3 widdles and miss most of the film.
* "scuse me please, scuse me, sorry, scuse me..." *

Update
7pm and I am out of my dressing gown and into my shorts (no top on though). It's very hot and I've been lying on a blanket on our lawn drinking coffee, eating jaffa cakes and watching Darren cut the grass with our broken flymo.
I'd totally forgotten how awesome 'Entroducing' was. Wow!

tense nervous headache?
I totally forgot the promise I made to myself 10 years ago when I swore I would never, ever, go through the hell that is buying a house. Today, like John Leslie for the last 10 months, I have been to hell and back (not this hell and back though). That may sound a bit dramatic but after an afternoon of dealing with estate agents, lawyers and bankers I feel like I've just run a marathon. I had to speed-dash from work to home to bank to building society. Topping up accounts and electronically transferring funds into the ethernet is not how I want to spend Friday afternoons. Bit superstitious about jinxing the deal by saying anymore but hopefully full deets will follow next week (wee clue here). Chinese food tonight as a reward.
I bought one of these yesterday and it is sooooo sexy. I wanted one of these but there's a two month waiting list! I don't do waiting.