I've turned into Thora Hird

I blacked out and fell flat on my face on Saturday morning. I was taking Edward for a walk and had just left our house. I came over all dizzy and fell forward landing on my face and right shoulder. Somehow my left shoulder was dislocated but I was able to 'pop' it back in. The neighbours and Darren heard me yelling and came to my rescue. I was embarrassed. I bust my lip, bruised my cheekbone, took loads of skin off my arms, got grit under the skin of my hands, twisted my ankle and feel like my right arm is broken (though I know it's not).

And now I have a horrendous head cold.